Miss Snark

About

Miss Snark was an anonymous blog by a literary agent that ran on Blogspot from 2004 to 2007 and dispensed publishing advice to writers. The original blog is no longer accessible, but there are a couple of archives that compiled and categorised some of her most useful and informative posts. But as far as I know, none of them fully indexed the Crapometer posts.

The Crapometer was an irregular recurring feature of the blog, wherein writers could anonymously submit material they would usually send in a query letter to a literary agent—hooks, or sometimes first pages—and get Miss Snark's honest opinion. Whether or not you agreed with her critiques, they provided invaluable insights into an agent's thought process when reading queries from prospective clients.

Since it can be difficult to navigate blogs through archives like the Wayback Machine, I decided to index all the archived Crapometer posts I could find.

Hooks

Due to the high volume of posts to index, this is likely to be a work-in-progress for... a while.

A hook is like a partial synopsis, or the back cover copy of a published book—something short and exciting to hook the reader's (or in this case, the literary agent's) interest in the story.

The Crapometer for hooks ran in December 2005 and had over 700 entries. I've included the first line or so of each hook for ease of finding particular ones again, and noted the winners.

• 001: “When Slave 247 is sold, she’s terrified she’ll end up with a breeder.”
• 002: “Fresh out of court ordered re-hab, fourteen year-old Allyson Crandall is determined to be a smarter addict.”
• 003: “A gang murder outside a Memphis restaurant ruins a nice lunch, but police aren’t concerned about primary witness, Nora Anderson’s safety.”
• 004: “Mary Collins is a mess. On the morning of her husband’s funeral, she is about to be buried in financial ruin.”
• 005: “A herd of feral horses was grazing quietly; a sight so common the women didn’t mention it to each other.”
• 006: “When plague devastates his people, librarian Sal discovers a book that mentions a potential cure: an ancient perfume from Tefellen.”
• 007: “All the Cold War rules lie in the rubble heap with the crumbled Berlin Wall and the failed socialist dream.”
• 008: “Once Felicia Fascino decided to step into her father’s footsteps and become a contract killer, she named conditions...”
• 009: “Jennifer Morgan had always been gorgeous.”
• 010: “When ten aspiring novelists hide themselves on a remote Maine island...”
• 011: “If a murder takes place in a forest, does it make a sound? Appalachian Trail hiker Julie Greene hopes she doesn't find out...”
• 012: “May 3rd, 2103: The media has been abuzz for months: the last chance to avoid collision is past, and asteroid 2004 VD17 is barreling toward Earth...”
• 013: “Paris, Manhattan, Rockport and the Florida Keys of the early 1970’s provide a cinematic backdrop for...”
• 014: “Teedle Beauregard kills her husband one summer day in 1963.”
• 015: “When seventeen-year-old Alexis escapes death from the religious cult that raised her, she doesn’t know she’s only half human.”
• 016: “Persons of Interest’ examines E.M. Forrester's dictum - ‘If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend’...”
• 017: “Loyalty should be treated as a precious thing, not used to manipulate and emotionally abuse.”
• 018: “Dr. Tabatha Gray doesn't have a particular fondness for the dead, but the dead have a desperate affinity for her.”
• 019: “A grocery sack lay on its side near the open front door.”
• 020: “AYARIS: A steampunk nation in its renaissance, under the thumb of the oppressive god Tan-Milar.”
• 021: “When the caller says, ‘Clean up whatever that thing is that washed up on the banks of the Ness,’ Clive Fulton's first thought is no different from anyone else's.”
• 022: “Someone needs to fix the world.”
• 023: “Volcanologists agree that subtle warning signs should provide sufficient notice to evacuate the three million people living around Vesuvius.”
• 024: “Grace Conns has never even been to the Moon before.”
• 025: “The slaying of her beloved father Lord Hugh in his own forest forces fourteen-year-old Lady Anne of Longwood to realize her life has been changed forever.”
• 026: “Mirella spat a wad of bloody spittle on the floor.”
• 027: “The government is watching you. There's no point in glancing around for the cameras though, you won't see them.” WINNER
• 028: “Why does Stan Garland do nothing while his father starves himself to death?”
• 029: “One afternoon Shirley Temple Stone clobbers Richie Parsons on the nose with a hardcover novel in the middle of the Summerville Public Library.” WINNER
• 030: “‘Paradise Acres’ is an 80,000 word novel about an eclectic group of folks who live in a small trailer park and band together to rescue some horses abandoned during a flood.”